We create our own destiny

Ever since last week, I have been immersing myself with Grey's Anatomy episodes from the very first season to the second and skipping to the latest ones. But then, I promised myself I would finish all episodes and absorb as much as possible. And now, I'm in love with the series. And whenever I feel like doing nothing, there goes my watching.

And this leads me to loneliness. 5 hours ago, I was engulfed by my rage to anything and everything that I had to do this day. We had our weekly executive board meeting, I was able to contact all I had to contact, was able to jot down all the stuffs I have to remember for the rest of the week, was able to plan my next few days by saying 'yes' to different people, video shoots for projects, interviews for projects, organizing my own projects... so many things going on in my head I can't even function now. All these I was able to do because I have friends and people around me. There is this rush I cannot remove whenever I'm with people I'm working with.

But then, I got home an hour ago. And this rush suddenly was gone. No more feelings. I don't want to do anything anymore. Right now, all I can think of is writing thoughts inside my head--the excitement of being able to put down all the things I want to say but I cannot do to someone else, the pleasure of putting into writing these ideas, these random thoughts. And right now, all I want to do is to watch Grey's Anatomy. I feel so lonely. I may be able to talk to my friends over the internet, I can text away my mom, my sister, my brother, my father, but I just don't have the will. I'm tired and lonely. I want a restart. But I still can't. I have to work hard and wait. I have to finish things I had started.

Sometimes, I see myself in all the characters I watch in tv series. And then, I thought, how many people on earth are thinking the same way? If we could just know one another. Funny.

Ayan, nagttrance na ako. Haha. I have to stop this useless crap of writing emotional things. Maybe, I should just create a novel, a play, a one-act play, a monologue, a dialogue, television script. Maybe, I can write creatively. Ewan.