I'd like to make myself believe

I still like you very, very, very, very much. Kung alam mo lang. Pero di mo naman malalaman kasi wala naman akong ginagawa para malaman mo.

Today is Valentine's Day. I promised myself na ituturing ko ang araw na ito na isang normal na araw. Magdidinner lang siguro with friends and treat the day as a day for my loved ones--my friends, my family and all the people that I care for. But good lord. I just can't get over the fact that I screwed up. People for the past days say that it's ok if you don't have the Valentine of your own, as long as you celebrate it with your loved ones, your friends, your family, your colleagues. But jeez, I felt the fragility. I am very disappointed with myself.

Now, I'm entirely sure, I still do not know how to love. Totoo nga ang sinasabi ng iba, magmamahal ka lang pag natutuhan mong mahalin ang iyong sarili. For the past months, I've been screwing up. I feel lost everytime, kahit hindi halata ng lahat. From little things, to greater decisions. I feel like I always get loose of everything.

On the other hand, ang masasabi ko lang talaga, I still like you very much. But the thing is, I do not have the guts to tell you, I do not have the guts to feel angry to you, I don't have the guts to cry because of you. Because in the end, I feel that I should start loving myself first.

Gusto kong sabihin na sana hintayin mo ako hanggang sa mahanap ko ang sarili ko. Or kapag tumanda na rin ako haha. Mahal kita.