Not so much. But a little more.

There was a Facebook post that was shared sometime last week. It was about a man saying that art is not that important in this world. That if art is removed, the world would still function just fine. What we need are scientists that would make advances. Of course, it was obvious that the man was wrong. There is no time art is not important. In fact, we need it. But anyway, I was reading all the comments--some were simply dumb, some were right. And then I saw someone who suggested to watch a movie called After The Dark.

After the Dark is a movie about students studying philosophy in an international school in an Asian country (Indonesia? Malaysia? can't remember) And it was their last session before their graduation leading them to further studies in their chosen universities. Mild spoiler ahead. Their teacher wishes to give them one last exercise before finally leaving the school. And through this exercise, they would eventually realize (or more of what I got from the movie is) that Art is important. Art is needed.

And here's the thing why I'm sharing this now.

This is the first ever movie (or whatever art form for that matter) that I was in tears because of Art. (Not so much tears, compared to watching Love of Siam haha) I don't know exactly why. Maybe because I've been fighting for my art form alone. I never thought that art would be something I would cherish deeply in this time of my life.

Back when I was in high school, I never thought of being or wanting to become an artist. It could be a hobby. I used to sing. I used to dance. I used to act (while taking a shower, or when I'm alone in my room). But at the end of the day, I was good at Math. I love studying numbers. I was surrounded by engineers, an architect, a nurse, a saleswoman, a businessman. My point being, Art was something I would do if I only have extra time.

But boy was I lead to a different path. Many things happened in a decade. (Syempre.) My priorities have changed. The things that I imagined at night (or during the day) changed. When I was in elementary (or maybe kindergarten), I used to write in autograph books that I wanted to be a priest and a doctor at the same time. My ultimate goal back then was to work in a hospital and there should be a church nearby so I can have a mass later in the day. A big ambitious dream.

Today, I can still imagine myself doing that same dream. The difference is: it must be for a character. I dream of characters. Of portraying them. I dream priests, doctors, killers, gay men, gay abused men, men from 1940s or 1980s. I dream of them wishing I could play their roles. So much has changed. It's pretty great.

As of now, I've portrayed an emo high school guy, a gay reporter, a doctor from 1940s, a god of knowledge, a gay right-hand of a monarch, a farmer from the 1980s, a very old theater actor, a Datu who is the father of a god of some sort, a gay old religious man etc etc etc. (Daming gay!)

It was liberating. It was freeing. It was something I'd do over and over again.

But again, I'm having a hard time, fighting for this art form. Alone. For different reasons.

I didn't study about this. There are no artists in the family. They consider this a hobby. (Read: me when I was in high school.) And so, I have to do something about it. If this is what I want, pota I have to do something about it.

I read. I watch. I discover.

The other day I bought Stephen King's short story collection entitled Everything's Eventual. In its introductory part, King discussed the art form that is Short Stories. Basically, it's pretty dying. And he wishes to make it big again. So he did something about it. I appreciate that introductory part. I tell you, rarely do I buy short story collection. I love novels. But this time, I appreciated the book that I bought.

Today, I watched an interview with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lady Gaga for Variety. It's part of their Actors on Actors series. And it's the reason why I was made to write this piece now. The interview was simple: 2 actors just in front of each other asking things about acting and their experience. They get to live with it. Amazing. They get to talk about it. Discover more of themselves. And of others.

Last month, I watched a stage poetry performance by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye. It. was. different. I tell you: If I don't buy short stories collection, the heck I don't buy poetry books. (I'm not saying I don't like poetry. It's just not my taste. Or maybe, I'm having a harder time absorbing poems.) But then, I still watched. I discovered and appreciated it. Good time.

When I bought Everything's Eventual, I also bought an Elon Musk biography with it. Elon Musk is a rich entrepreneur-slash-scientist-slash-famous person who can be arguably compared to Tony Stark. Guys, this is a non-fiction book. After starting to buy and read non-fiction book this year, I am loving it. And now I can say that writing a non-fiction book is also an art.

You know, these things we do (or I do for this matter), it enriches us. Makes us know a little more. Not so much. But a little more. One show at a time. One book at a time. One appreciation at a time. An ounce of knowledge at a time. That I think is what I need.

Maybe that's why I cried (a bit) watching After The Dark. I am longing for knowledge. I want to know more. Not so much. But a little more.

PS: Damn, daming thoughts 'yun ah. I really should get back to writing more often.